Friday, December 26, 2014

Elementals 2

  Most people think that the Sun fuels a fire elemental and it does, but it also drains us. Anything taken from the Sun must be returned. The full moon however, is a different story. When the moon is full it's at it's strongest and because the cycle will begin again the moon gives energy without needing it back.
  I extinguish the flame in my palm and close my eyes again. I draw energy from the heat in the moon and try again. This time when I open my eyes there is a small ball of flame over each palm. I extinguish the flames and sit cross legged on the ground. I'm worried I won't be strong enough. What I need is a blood moon.
   Those are so rare. The last one was 5 years ago. I cringe at the memory. What should have been the happiest night of my life was turned into the worst. I remember the sharp pain in my stomach that had signaled it was time. Jayson helped me out of little house and to our chosen spot in the woods. It was all prepared blankets , towels, water etc. This is our way Elementals are Bourne of nature therefore we are born into nature.
  A fresh wave of pain hit as I lay on the blankets , blood moon blazing in the sky. I squeezed Jayson's hand so tightly that a slight breeze rustled the trees. I am fire and Jayson he is wind. Our union was watched closely by the elders of our kind. There is old lore about a child being born to two strong elementals under the blood moon. At that point I was the most powerful fire elemental in decades and Jayson's control of the wind was unmatched. Some believed that because air fuels fire that the child I carried would be the one from the old stories. A child who would possess power over all four elements. Earth, wind, water and fire.
   Its just lore old, fairy tales, we told ourselves. When we fell in love there was no stopping us. We moved as far as we could and still be part of the clan. Fear grew in our hearts when we discovered I was pregnant. We made plans. Talked with Tony, Jayson's brother the only one we could trust. We knew we'd have to run. 
  The strongest wave of pain paired with an overwhelming urge to push hit me. I drew strength from Jayson and the blood moon. Then she was here in the world. Misha was in my arms. "How long?" I asked Jayson. "How long until they can sense her presence?". "Not long" he said. "We have to get you back to the house. Can you stand?" I was so weak. I didn't think I could move. I shook my head. Jayson bent over and picked us up in his arms. I felt the wind beneath us. He used the force of it to float the three of is back to the house. He lay me and Misha in the bed and demanded I rest. I closed my eyes and felt Misha snuggle against me. 

   I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep when I felt the bed shake. The ground was moving beneath the house. The elders they were coming to take Misha from us. Jayson was in the room before I could call for him followed by Tony. "I'm still to weak". I said panic in my heart. "Don't worry. We got this." Jayson had that wild gleam in his hazel eyes I'd fallen in love with. Tony helped me to my feet. We placed Misha in a baby carrier I wore over my chest. The tremors under my feet grew stronger. Jayson leaned over and kissed Misha on the top of her head. Then he grabbed me and gave me a kiss that fueled the flames inside me. "Jayson, you can't". I knew then he'd passed some of his strength on to me. "I love you he said". Tony pulled me towards the back of the house where his truck was waiting. I stumbled as the strongest tremor yet hit our grounds. We peeled away from the house and as I looked back I saw the door of the house explode. A tornado was forming above the house and I knew that Jayson was using the last of stregth to help us get away. We weren't far from the house whe  n I felt Jayson's strength leave me. Like the wind he was gone. I lost Jayson then, I will not lose Misha now. I stand up and throw my hands out in frustration. The tree across from me erupts in flames. 

Saturday, July 26, 2014

This Single Lady's Life Part 6

Dating : what single people do to torture themselves in the hopes of finding love.

As a single lady I've always been annoyed by married people who say how much easier it is to be single or suggest that I would not like Marriage. Instantly I think if being married sucks so bad why aren't you meeting with a lawyer so you file for divorce?

I know the answer to my question. The answer is simple. It's because no matter how difficult being married is....dating is so much worse.

Date 1: After no luck with being set up by friends or randomly meeting people, I got a date through an online dating site. I talked on the phone with him at length. Due to our busy schedules it took to weeks to met. We met for a movie on a Monday evening as that was his day off. I immediately regretted not having asked a very important question. Do you smoke? He reeked of cigarettes. I have asthma and honestly just can not stand the smell. I spent my time watching the movie, holding my breath and trying to think of a tactful way to address the situation. So when the movie was over he gave me a hug and I asked him how often he smoked. He swore that it was rare and he had only smoked because he was nervous to meet me. We chatted a few times after the date how very we agreed that this was not going to work .
In hindsight I remembered that early he informed me he was going to the south of France for a vacation. He gave me the name of the city and had me Google it. The city just happened to be home of a very large nudist community. I somehow missed that red flag.

Check back soon for more from This Single Lady's Life. Comment, like and share.



Saturday, July 12, 2014

This Single Lady's Life Part 5

This year many of my friends either got married or had babies. As a single lady who values family I have been happy to share in their joy, but also a bit worried for myself. I have begun to wonder why it is that I am still single.

I began completing the homework assignments as part of my love course. I took a look back at my dating history, then identified my negative dating patterns. I have informed friends and coworkers that I am looking and open to being setup. Unfortunately the majority of my friends are in relationships and as such have lost contact with many of their single friends. My single friends well let's just say I have yet to be setup with anyone.

I returned to online dating, one specialty website, one popular and one dating app. As I browsed the profiles I noticed something about the way men present themselves online. Many of the profiles featured shirtless pictures, a few in the hot tub and some exposing much more. I appreciate the male form, however I realized that I find this willingness of men to objectify themselves as a turn off. I have also received very forward and sometimes aggressive first messages. Online dating to me seemed to have declined to a meat market. I found myself wondering would this man ask such inappropriate questions if his first interaction with a woman was in person?

I committed myself to three months of online dating. It has been difficult not to sink back into the hermit pattern and delete my accounts. I forced myself to continue with the homework and soon had a first date scheduled.

Find out how my date went next time. There is much more to This Single Lady's Life.


Saturday, July 5, 2014

This Single Lady's Life Part 4

So if you've been reading my blog you know that at the ripe old age of 35 I decided to figure out why it is that I'm still single. I picked up a "love course " and began to take a look at my single life. Here is what I've discovered about myself so far. For years I have been engaged in what has been classified as The Hermit Dating pattern.

Here's what that means. I was too busy with school, then work and my internship then studying for my state exams etc. I kept myself so busy and focused on other things that by the end of the day I was exhausted and had no energy left for a social life or dating. I was basically hiding behind everything I had to do. What it boils down to is fear of trusting, fear of getting close to someone and fear of a broken heart.

I realized that I would use the "love will find you when you're not looking for it " saying as a crutch. One of the first things I had to ask myself on this new journey was "if I'm not looking how will I recognize it when love does come along?" So I took the first step and let a few one friends know what I'm up to. Then informed them that I'm open to blind dates. Then I returned to the dreaded online dating community!

Check back soon as there is much more to this single lady's life including all new experiences with online dating and the ways it has changed.

Don't forget to like, share and comment below.

Monday, June 16, 2014

This Single Lady's Life 3

This Single Lady's Life Part 3

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Through my online dating before online dating was cool I met the following young men.

Derek: He was a year younger than me, lived nearby and was funny. I had a car he did not. So the younger version of myself was the taxi for all outings. He lived with his mother and she was very critical of him. Rarely hung out at his place. Then suddenly he was gone. I still have no idea what happened to him.

so I went out with Mario. Again no car. But he had a big smile and a big heart. He was just as geektastic as me. We spent many Saturdays watching the latest movies. We were both shy and neither one of us made a move. Then he moved out of the area. He ran into an ex. They are now happily married. Me, I'm still single. 

That leads me to Ray. He was fresh out of the Navy, he was strong, smart and attractive. When we were in the same room I could barely breath the chemistry was so strong. I didn't know how to express my feelings or how to say I don't want this to end. I went to a cast party for a play that I'd worked on and Suprisingly Ray was there too with a date. This was my first real heart break. How could someone I felt so strongly for do that to me? I kept trying with him until one day he stopped calling. He's married with children and me I'm still single.

Honorable Mentions: Jay a younger guy helped pick up the pieces after Ray. It was fun to be around until he pushed me and kicked me. He thought it was playful. I did not. Tony he would talk to me for hours. We would spend time at the beach. I asked why we never got more serious. He said his girl friends look like Brandy and well I don't. He's engaged and I'm still single.

I've continued to date off and on but have not managed to get past two or three dates with a anyone else.

Remember those negative dating patterns I learned about? Find out what that are in Part 4. Leave me a comment, like and share.

There's more to come in This Single Lady's Life. 

Monday, June 9, 2014

This Single Lady's Life 2



This Singe Lady's Life Part 2

A look back at my dating history. I don't recall any baby crushes, but I do remember hanging out with the son of one my mother's close friends when I was in third grade. Then nothing. I was one of five African American students in my entire elementary school. I was shy and unsure of myself. Middle school much of the same although I did attend a much more diverse school. I developed physically early and this attracted attention from much older boys some times even young adults. Being approached by grown men on the streets was very scary for me. Since I was shy I kept my head down and tried to ignore them.

High School was different I met the friend of a girl I'd worked with over the summer before freshmen year. He was nice to me, he held my hand, he gave me my first kiss, he walked me home from school. A few weeks after we met he noticed that his ex girlfriend lived in my apartment complex. He never talked to me again but he did start visiting her regularly. I had a big crush on a boy I only saw from afar. He wasn't in any of my classes and I didn't have the nerve to speak to him. So I put my nose in the books and graduated with honors and childless. The latter was quite an accommplishment since so many among my senior class graduated as parents.

College, time to get out there and date I thought. I tried posting an ad online and met a handful of interesting young men. 

Want to know about them and why I'm still single?                                          
Stay tuned there's much more to This Single Lady's Life.

Let me know what you think. Feel free to leave a comment below.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

This Single Lady's Life 1


This Single Lady's Life. Part One.


I turned 35 years old this year and celebrated with a few close friends. I felt blessed to have friends and family who love, care, support and encourage me. In the past 7 years I have graduated from university with a Master's Degree in clinical psychology, completed my internship hours, past my boards and obtained my license in marriage and family therapy. I have also begun my own private practice while accepting a promotion at the community services agency where I work. I've worked hard at achieving my goals and turning dreams into reality. This has been true in all areas of my life except for one. Finding the one.

I was a child who always loved working with younger children. I adored my nieces who I babysat regularly. I knew that I wanted to grow up and have children of my own one day. The big wedding, the groom I wasn't so sure about but babies yes. So this year it hit me. I'm single, I have no children. Why? I value having a family, I've always wanted children. What should I do about this dilemma?

A colleague suggested that I read a self help book she highly recommends. After saying what do I have to lose I downloaded the book. I discovered that the book is more of a Love Course. First I needed to look back and discovering my dating patterns. Want to know what I discovered? Stay tuned.

Have questions for me? Leave me a comment or a question and let me know what you think. Don't forget to check back soon.